It is so good to know that I am not the only daughter dealing with these feelings. He lives alone just waiting for her to phone or say she will visit him. She could care less. It made a HUGE difference and was probably the single biggest thing besides time that helped her move on. I AM NOT nor will I ever be a daughter to Ellen. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. Let me be clear- Ive never asked this woman to do a thing a for me and I never will. i feel as this home has nothing more to offer me and i should just leave it as soon as i can. Which my mom and her friend did say he was not there trying to replace my dad. So I accept it or lose my Dad. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life that it is not trying to replace your mother or father. We would never do anything to upset the awesome family lives that we worked so hard to create. I wont allow that to become a goal of anyone who enters into our family. I can be contact at jamaicajoe49@aol.com if anyone here on this forum wishes to or needs to talk further. I was immediately put off but whatever its his life, right? So basically I cant talk to him at all except shallow, general chit chat type of conversation. In addition, her other sister lives on the same street, across the driveway, from my dad. Ask her what paperwork/admin you can help her with. I was still uncomfortable, but slightly more accepting of the situation because (1) a little more time had passed since my mothers death, (2) the new girlfriend was actually my fathers age, and (3) at one point my father had said: Dont worry, she doesnt have any kids!. But unbeknownst to me the D and the S 22 could not accept a new women in dads life. Im 29 ok, my dad and mom were living with my moms mom in her house of 50years. I was experiencing more emotions in one yearthan I had ever felt in my lifetime. A coward at heart, he didnt even have the guts to tell me himself. Anyhow, they are still up and they are still awkward. I have lost my father, and she couldnt care less about anyone but herself. Celebrate your parents, give thanks for all that they have done for you and the family, appreciate, and respect them. My father-in-law bragged one week later that he slept with three different women. 2 nights later, dad wasnt home and I asked my uncle where he was and I was told that (girlfriend) hit some poor 18-year-old on his bike and killed him and dad was going to be the go between with the police-to save her ass basically. The new year came by and I finally excepted that my parents were going there own direction. Are they just suppose to just live their life around their kids and other relatives without a mate. Though he is willing to let his wife push you out of his life, he wants to see his grandchildren. Although we were no longer romantically involved, there was no one else I wanted to be held by more. I think two equally lonely pp found each other and are love drunk I wish I could say someone was sane, but in the end, I just hope my dad isnt being played. Mom is likely scared to apply for work after all those years. She had fallen out of love with my dad a long time ago, she had told me, but I was worried about who would take care of her. What makes it so depressing is that every time the person is mentioned it is"John Doe, the deceased," Every ten words you're reminded the person is dead. The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. My brother was okay with it, my sister was as well(but now she is not) Tonight, us kids and spouses had a dinner to honor the passing of my mother. Its almost like hes loving that he gets a new woman. The first. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving. Well, I overextended myself. Oh honey, there's no such thing as grieving too much or too little. Whitney gave me back a piece of him that would have otherwise faded. I really feel your pain. After one year of my mothers passing, while snowbirding in Florida, he met a woman from Belarus who can barely speak Englishwe are worried that she is after his money and citizenship. It was as though this terrible thing happened and now nothing could be right. I would have had no problem with their friendship because I didnt want him to be lonely but my mother was a good mother & wife to him for 60 years, raised their 3 children together & helped him run a business for most of those years before retiring together. My dad was her caregiver, and we had rounds of family and friends to support up until her last day and breath. that is all fine & after a respectful time (my definition of this would be 6 months or more), than go for the intimate stuff. My uncle laughed and said Ellen had my dad whipped. My aunt and uncle dont like Ellen either and I have sometimes talked to them about how I feel about her. Coping with vascular dementia. We do not live together. From what Ive been told, she has been after my father for quite some time. Of course, I dont know the whole story (maybe he approves?
father She has posted it on her Facebook, and texted my Dad about it. Nice. Hi, Julie. Your mom sounds very lazy and manipulative. that September. If love is measured in sacrifice then she despises him. My Dad and I have never been close but Mom wanted us to mend the rift and after her death I stayed with Dad and helped with as much as I could before going back to my family. Truly let go of anger, regret, fear and sadness anything holding you down. Dear carolyn: for novel coronavirus and that you need to crack the death. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving.
The Day My Father Died They, and the rest of the family, are appalled at me. Currently, Alexandra is in her first year of business school at Stanford's Graduate School of Business. My sisters and I say that she is acting this way because she is manipulative and plotting. Caring for another can look like doing different jobs to help a family member cope on a daily basis with the many things that need to be done in a day. After her death my husband and I continued to live with my dad to keep him company and ease the loneliness. Your mom is in a beautiful, peaceful place and exists in pure love. I have one sibling, a younger brother. But. You have every right to be feeling absolutely appalling right now having lost your Mom and with everything going on with your father and being told that you should cheer up because things could have been worse for your Mom is so uncaring. Im not sure if it was curiosity or what but we agreed to meet them for dinner and a movie. He makes me smile again! I have to tell you that although Britain is a first world country there are many people who see the U.S as a golden ticket. above their children, and (2) aggressively reprimand the children for being selfish. However, and I really hate this, the house will go to Ellen if my Dad predeceases her. She is helping us by taking care of him. Now, almost 4 months later they are still together. I decided that I would invite them to go with usI really struggled with this.when I called Dad, he said he needed to talk to her first & he did she declined because she had other plans. We not only lost my mom this year, but we lost my grandma (his mother), my brother in law, and my aunt (his sister). Has anyone been able to move on from the pain of their parents getting involved with someone else so soon? The love that you have for your spouse and your children will never change. Anyway, no, you should want to start your family somewhere else. Dont you want them to be happy? I now know that he would make the same choices again as he proves on a daily basis. NTA. I feel angry and stressed. Seeing my father sneaking across the landing at night was excruciating. Im grown, so his actions should be of no concern to me! This is (as I tell EVERYONE) a testimony to how great a mother she was before this terrible illness struck her. Im just trying to have a good relationship. It was because of the cancer that was growing all over her body.
mom dies My sister, brother, and I only were told one month before she passed that my Mom was going to die. I dont know what to do. I know this was very long, but I had to get these things off my chest. Its weird watching a 72 year old man act like a 14 year old. We all want that. I agreed if we werent out by October wed pay rent. I wondered how he would ever be able to cope without my mom. My husband was witnessing all of this at work but hadnt been told of this new shop until the day before it was due to open. Isnt it obvious that the reason my sister has the worst relationship of all with my dads wife is because she lost her relationship with my dad because of his relationship with his wife?? Things that I feel need to stay in the family. I need some advice. I choose instead to honour my moms memory because she was a loving and gentle woman who he adored and loved. Two days later she arrived with baked goods for my dad. It's past time for your mom to get a job and/or downsize. Dad went thru surgery and treatment and is now cancer free. Three months after my mothers passing, it really starts to hit me. They can not commit 100% to you. She doesnt even have a headstone on her grave yet. I think part of it, for me, is that I feel like if I accept my dad having a new woman in his life, I am being disloyal to my mom. We understand that he will cultivate other friendships and relationships in his life. It helped him to see how someone else is suffering, and keep him on a level of reality that is easy to forget through depression and grief. The way her throat was moving up and down struggling for air. But the way that she did it was deceitful. I would like to speak to the women dating widowed men. But Im still reeling over a set of events that happened this last Christmas, our first without my Mother-in-law. She wears daisy duke shorts and mini skirts and tight dresses. How to get a good woman. Now going shopping together, shes visiting alot, furniture shopping, he wants to buy her a necklace and tell her not to tell the other sister where it came from. Before he left, he promised he would only be a phone call away. He says my Mom did this to us. About 8 months after my mom died my dad started seeing someone this person that he is seeing was a friend of my mothers back in the day. We were really close to our dad, so obviously his loss is really hard on us, but I keep reminding myself that my dad wouldn't want us to be upset over his death and he would want us to move on and live our lives. Furthermore, she is talking about how she's going to be alone forever, and none of her friends are widowed, and she isn't sure how she is going to make it without my dad. She also managed to monopolize every situation with her own drama (example: she lost her license for the vehicular manslaughter 2 days before my wedding and dad and people that were supposed to help me with the wedding ended up driving her around, taking her to hair appts, buying groceries for the out-of-towners dinner at dads house which she never prepared bc she was in court so my mother-in-law had to make it, etc., taking valuable helpers away from me-the bride-who was doing/making everything herself to save money). Wasnt she due a little more respect than this? It is also the mother of a friend i had in elementary school. . Not to mention a cancer scare for him and other illnesses that have had him hospitalized. While reading some of the behaviors of the GFs, I felt very bad for some of you, I understand where you are coming from.. Did she ever stop to consider my feelings as well. I know way back in my high-school days my mom who acted as the girl in their relationship had an affair I was devastated but to cut the story short when my mom died may 2018 months after around Dec this woman named Cecil started showing up at first I was angry memories and anger that I felt way back came rushing back it was Christmas I didnt want to ruin my moms night I stayed quiet and understood she needed companion. . We all are afraid to be alone, we are human beings, social by nature. Its like I lost my family. But for right now I am ok with at least being able to see my father periodically and trying. I once cut his hair too short,she told him he looked like a thug,wouldnt speak to him for days,now he panics every time I cut his hair incase I use the wrong fitting. It's a harsh thing to say, but sometimes during the grieving process you begin to think "why me" and "it's not fair to me", etc. I cannot stress how thoroughly unpleasant she is and my Dad has increasingly become. She says he is trying to turn her into my mom. I said I needed time since I was still grieving the loss of my mother. My mother passed away 10 years ago when I was six months pregnant with my first daughter. After reading all your posts, Id rather never meet her! What you are going through is understandably painful and confusing to you right now. I was angry for a long time and this strained my relationship with my dad. What about me?. She has to work now. Everybody has to eat, and it is an intimate exchange. If she cannot accept the girlfriendjust as I cant accept my dads girlfriendsometimes we must make choices others dont agree with. LADY WHO HAD A BABY.THIS BROTHER TOOK OVER THE HOUSE AND COULD DO NOTHING WRONG.HE WAS ON SICK AND THE GOVERMENT PAID FOR HIM AND HIS WIFE,SO HE GOES TO THE PHILIPINS FOR 3 MONTHS AT A TIME.SINCE MUMS DEATH HE SEEM TO HAVE CONVINCED MY DAD THAT HE LOOKED AFTER MY MUM AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY DID NOTHING,BUT WE ALL WORK? What the actualI have three cells (mine plus kids) and a landline and probably pay less than $200 - Canadian. She just needs a shoulder to cry on and be. NTA. Ministers and priests are great resources for the bereaved. Our own happiness comes with a price and if that price is our own kids, there is nothing worth losing them. I feel like Im losing him, too. At one point he said he was going to end the relationship to make me happy, but I know that isnt the solution either. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on. By Christmas time, he started calling around to my aunts, uncles and cousins (from my mothers family) to announce that he would be getting married in January. At 15, I lost my mother to a 2-year long battle with cancer. A therapist sounds like it could help, but I know theres no changing my dads mind or attitude about anything. Heres what Im not thrilled about: He sold them took the money. He really only cares about himself. Me and my sibling have tried to talk to him, but to no avail, its all about him!!! He had made plans to go out with a group of people and asked what I thought he should do I think he was nervous. Im well aware that Im of an age where I could move out if I needed to, and Im immensely grateful that my father is still supporting me. Alex's oldest son, 26-year-old Buster, was not killed alongside his mother and younger brother, and the Netflix docuseries doesn't explain where he was when his loved Communicating with him is like trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. She probably needs things done for her. Hong kong dollars 1.78 million to inform her son. While I share certain similarities with the other posters here, Im also aware of some differences. When she gets upset, she doesn't eat, and really the only reason she cooked was for my dad and us. (Thinking "I should go visit mom after work," and then realizing I couldn't.). Ellen and my dad married in October of 2004 just a little over a year after my Mom passed away. Just like in your case our Dad told us that if we didnt like it that was just too bad as he was a big boy and could act as he liked. Forgiveness will change your life and set you free. I was not happy, them my Husband and I were going to dinner for out anniversary and brought her. Reading through the different experiences that people have shared on this website has been a little helpful. How bazaar! Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. In addition to adjusting to life without parent who has died, you now have to also deal with the surviving parent/step-parents relationship choices which will surely impact you directly and in-directly. I was extremely happy, but the same probably couldnt be said for him. My dad has been acting differant since they started dating too hes been drinking more, ect. Your father may not recognise the implications of how his actions will impact generations.
Caring for mom after dad passed away - Elizz At the time my Dad was vulnerable, miserable and lonely. Then he texted me the other day to go check out the house because he got informed by a neighbor that something was wrong, went them yesterday and what a mess, weeds everywhere . Trebalo bi da konsultujete svog lekara pre poetka primene bilo kog preparata, kao i da ga obavestite ukoliko neki preparat ve koristite. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. -The feeling that my role in my family has changed. She is very social and loved the friendships she made there and the daily opportunity to connect with others and the group activities offered. He does not listen. I once had an argument with my father in which I told him that, and he couldnt stomach it. He always had too much work to do when she wanted to go somewhereto see her grandkids and children. If they tell me Ive done something to hurt their feelings, I will talk with them and try to rectify it, I would never dismiss them! Then in August, he went to Cabo with her sisters and family. At times, my Dad will bring up being buried next to my Mom. Of course we cant talk there because his work phone is always ringing or someone is coming in his office and he has no problem quickly dismissing me. I feel the pain of all the daughters on this website and Im glad I found this site. Practice remembering hard, so that you still can when you're older. Thanks for an opportunity to vent although in a sense it is 35 years too late! Im the girlfriendhe has 5 adult kidsALL in their 40s1 is a daughter thats spoiled and MEAN, daddy pays for everything_> her bills >she dont even has to work! After all, his needs werent being met. Yes, certainly more culpable if you ignore your young childrens feelings but also for in-laws and adult children too. My dad does things with his new woman that he never would take the time to do with my mom. On the contrary he thinks that he owes her because she moved and sold her house on retirement to live with him. Rusty, I think that most of us want our fathers to be happy and we dont mind so much that they are seeing a new person. Well it seemed to be a lot easier to deal with when it involved my sister in law and her new boyfriend than my dad and his new girlfriend. Because he had block them. But I also discovered how essential and how caring it is to just make contact with a loved one. How do I cope with this? WebWatching a parent move on with someone else after the death of your other parents is going to be hard NO MATTER your age and no matter how long after their death, There's definitely a generation out there who got help starting from their parents and somehow still want to be supported by their children. Unfortunately, dads answer to all this was telling me not to come by because girlfriend will be there and I know you two dont get along. Ellen has the strangest relationship with her two adult sons, or at least it seems strange to me. It took me a while but, with the help of my family, I got through it. He may have moved on and is ready to make sure he has a life partner in his life and home. Now my sister and I are back to work and doing as well as we can be doing, I guess. The very knowledge that my dad has moved on is like losing my mother all over again on a daily basis. Hi, Im and always had been very very close to my parents, especially my mom. I still live in my fathers home with my husband and fur babies. I choose to see it in a positive light. My dad met his new and first girlfriend since my moms passing early this year. When he is back to health, you should share your feelings with him and let him know how you feel nothing may change but at least you can open the lines of communication with him and perhaps he can share some of his deepest hurts and feelings with you at the loss of his wife and your mother. Since my mother died, this is the first time she had attended one of our family gatherings. I cant see any woman except my mother as my mother. Within 2 months before my grandfather passed away. This hurts on so many levels that I cant even begin to explain. The same goes for everything you have in life; you never know when your life will change, and you may not have a roof over your head or a hot meal to eat. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. Its safe to say she wouldnt spit on someone if they were on fire! This woman has inserted herself arrogantly into my Mother-in-laws house, insisted the kids go through her things so she could have a yard sale and park her car in a giant three-car garage, and put all her tacky things everywhere. However that does not mean the living spouse is to stop their life. My mom got a reference for a grief support group that I am thinking about going to. My dad died in March. I dont want him to sit around being a lonely old grieving man as he has accused me ..but since he asked for my opinion of this relationship so soon (and really wanted my blessing)I stated to him and his lady friend.that I felt he owed my mother more respect than this. I am on-line trying to find information and guidance on how best to reconcile my love for my daughter, the need my boys have for a mother figure (they absolutely love her by the way), and how to explore the possibilities of a life with this woman. I took an overdose. You are married and have a child. We maintain the house, pay all the bills and its our home. You are the Girlfriend so you would not understand how their children feel. I dont believe that they only developed feelings after my moms death. I cannot access my father without taking on the girlfriend as well. My dad had threated to leave her a few weeks after this, she begged shed change and she told me TO BACK OFF IF I WANT MY FATHER HAPPY i did. I want a relationship with my father and his wife, but unless we agree to put the past behind us, I dont think it can happen. I knew why he was going, but he was not being honest about it. My mother wasnt cold in the grave! Sorry for rambling on! His wife's. They were none. You may assume you bring all this joy to the mans life, and you think of your own needs in justifying the relationship, but as a woman, I feel that the disrespect to my mothers memory and to family, even if I seem to be the only one devastated, angry and in grieving now for the loss of my dad due to the girlfriend, is beyond anything I would bring to the children of that family if I were thinking of swooping up a widower 4 months after the death of a spouse. We try to maintain as civil a relationship with him as possible we all live several hours from my dad and have learned to avoid certain conversation topics with my dad because theyll result in huge fights. I have found out that because of her, old friends of my parents (who also know this women) will not talk to my father because they have never like her. Because if he were to be gone tomarrow I would regret not trying. Hi While we were in a coffee shop he took the time to be checking his phone to call this woman. I later learned she did not want me to come around. Its something that I cant control and I probably will never like her. My mother died from Leukemia in 2004, a year later I was shocked to find out my father was dating so soon. She was diagnosised with pancreatic cancer and only lived for 20 monthsthose 20 months were so hard on her. It will do no one any good, it needs to be organic. I cannot stress this one enough because I would have never survived anything I've gone through in my life without the friends and family who were by my side through it all. I feel his intimate friend is a traitor to my mother and if I could ever accept her, I would be a traitor to my mother. My biggest concern was my mother. With more time for our family to grieve and to have our dad, I think we would have had a much easier time accepting his new wife. In the summer, I helped him clean out my moms clothes. I was completely taken aback mostly because my mom told him repeatedly how she felt if he were to do such a thing. He is with the woman constantly. I even told my mom not to give me anything, because I knew my dad would be awful. My sister & I cry many times throughout the day. She wants to do this even before the estate is settled. I have been dating a man who lost his wife to cancer and let me tell you I feel like I have committed a major crime for dating this man so soon after his wife died. But I'm also paying for a phone too. Since I was in the kitchen most of the time cooking and preparing the meal, I didnt even get to talk to him at all. Anyhow, my 73 year-old dad seemed to move on rather quickly after my moms death. The obligation I had to keep her entertained and out and about (which was every weekend without fail although I have my own family) is now over! My dad at times had his head down as if he were ashamed or saddened to hear my pained feelings. You may put on a brave face but he ought to know that that is not the same as accepting her. One thing that has changed my perspective over the years is from whom is duty owed. But if you dont, youre taking the risk that in 35 years youll end up where I am with a family destroyed by his selfishness and sham relationship. . Just have to wait until he thinks its the right time to tell us I guess, Im so happy i found this website i thought i was the only one in this situation. I saw my sisters crying by the bed, and my brother inpanic mode,dialing 911. How do I make peace with no longer having a relationship with my father and his lack of relationship with my daughters? Just thinking about this makes me feel sick. If you have any care inquiries, please contact us anytime by completing the form below. I thought we were just doing something the two of us and this woman I have never heard of or seen in my life showed up and my dad doesnt introduce her. In the end my father refused help. We live nine hours apart, and I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle with a counselor. However, our reality is that we are still grieving the woman who was mom, sister, aunt, grandmother. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. Please dont ever tell your spouse or children that you dont want them to ever get married again if you die, I dont think that is the right thing to say to anyone. Every day I cant help but wish my mom were here. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. We can accept that he wants this new relationship, we just wish he would accept that we are just not ready to be a part of it. Colon cancer is a terriblw way to die and I was with her every step of the way right up to the last moment of life. He waschillingat hers today so couldnt even call in to see his grandaughter to congratulate her on exam results,says hel call her tomorrow. However . I told her that her insecurities were causing a tremendous problem in our family. SO anyway I dont know how to get over this feeling but am very thankful I am not the only one out there feeling that way. I never heard my Dad talk about my mother that way not the nasty remarks but simply talk about her beauty. They are devastated. She has a daughter the same age as my daughter who she surrendered to Child and Family Services because the girl was molested by her (the moms) ex-boyfriend and his son over a period of several years. I simply could not process the situation. But I still feel the same way a lot of you do. I just want him to do things in a way to respects my mothers memory.thats all!!! Before after a great degree of her death is required, ray magno.
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