when an ex reaches out after years

Say, you have been applying the no-contact rule after the breakup, be it a mutual decision or one-sided. Part of the need to re-connect is driven by the ambiguous threat of the pandemic and, practically speaking, part of it is likely due to the greater number of hours of alone time that we may feel the need to fillto get our minds off our own circumstances, in some cases, and focus on something more positive, or at least feel like were doing something to support someone else. The tests may show that the baby is active and healthy, and the amount of amniotic fluid is . We were both in happy LTR's, so there was no flirting or anything like that, but it felt really good to speak honestly and openly. My ex reached out to me about 15 years after we broke up. And if everything else fails, go with your gut feeling when an ex contacts you suddenly. Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. 4. When exes come back after months, there could be a rosy side to it too. Ignore it. To handle an ex coming back with dignity, you should ponder on all the probable scenarios to stay a step ahead of them. Tell him, "thanks for calling, hope he is having a good life". In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. I once reached out though, in a moment of guilt and stress, to an ex in attempt to apologize for everything that happened (at that time 4yrs in the past. My ex has reached out to me a handful of times over the last 15 years. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel about it? What to Do When an Ex Reaches Out to You - Insider He has to now find a job in stead. However, before taking any action, you should listen to what theyve got to say, get some advice, and dont respond. Three words: Manage your expectations. There was a lot of love in your dynamic before, and that may have turned to affection and warmth. I had never mentioned it to him as since I had miscarried it didnt seem like there was anything to discuss. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. If your relationship went on for any significant period of time, it can be really easy to start fantasizing about how awesome dating is going to be once its over. It creates so much confusion because your ex's actions are conflicting. I was tired of her treating me badly subtly, so I unfriended, deleted, and we stopped talking a few months. I'd done something he considered cheating. I did some things in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. Exes dont always want to get back together after reaching out. On the contrary, the partner who initiated this breakup would get a reality check. We do not have a friendship, and never had one outside of our relationship. If you catch yourself spiraling a little, it's OK.. These details seem very random, especially when she would send me this out of the blue after so long. What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. Naturally, it can make your exes come back when you stop caring. Secondly, it also gives us evidence that others have successfully faced similar challenges. So, they are back to mess with your head, bring back all the memories, and stomp your progress in the healing process. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? Thanks to you, I got myself together :)) Do exes come back after leaving for someone else? Im not talking about questions about your exs life, but rather about his or her reasons for reaching out. Learn how your comment data is processed. If that's what he needs from me I'm afraid my reaction might not offer much comfort. His or her inquiries, requests, or demands, as well as the approach and attitude your ex chooses will soon reveal why your ex contacted you after so many years. This reminds us that whatever the threat is that were facing, it can be overcome. In one job interview, he is asked to name the most significant world event in the last ten years. Just the prospect of talking to an ex after years is bound to give you a lot of anxiety. Wish him good luck. Ive written about the signs that your ex secretly wants you back and what really happens when they do but Ive neglected a little fuzzy grey area. At the time of our relationship, I was still keeping a lot to myself emotionally. And I think it's natural for some people to want to. The expectations are usually running wild when you have not moved on completely. Different people have different norms around contact and friendship over time and after a relationship ends. Go away. Jaseena tells us how to put a lid on overthinking. Why Do Exes Contact You Out Of The Blue? 13 Reasons! 7. . so yeah. Why do exes reach out after months of silence? (10 reasons) How Did You Feel When Your Ex Reached Out to You? Lets explore the possible reasons behind an ex trying to make their way back into your life: Exes come back after months. I think if you don't feel completely comfortable responding or you're questioning their motives, then don't respond. She is remarried and I do not want to interrupt that but I never had a chance to thank her for being such a great step mom to my children even after we were not in contact. He has a wife and two adorable girls now and Im happy for him. The only way to stop overthinking in this situation is by either ignoring the message or giving a very indifferent response, which basically screams out that your ex doesnt matter to you anymore. Its easy to indulge an ex when you still have lingering feelings toward them. Its much more important that he lets you enjoy your life in peace. I was living back in our old area for a little while and had been spending every weekend that summer at a beach club. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. This was a little bit before the internet was such a big thing, so he wasn't able to find me online. Whats sad is during a 2.5 year separation period I had no idea how she felt. Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. Unfortunately, when they show up like this and vent about their problems on you, then disappear again, it just creates frustration and emotional turmoil for you. Although your ex could want you back, its much more likely that he or she will just want to find out how you feel about him/her and try to learn what youve been up to. She responded back instantly. I was living about 1.5 hours away at the time, had moved away even before our break-up. Is there any ulterior motive? You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. Wants your help with something. Here are five things to do when your ex reaches out after years. Some dumpers break up with their partners, enjoy their lives, date other people for a while, and then realize they arent happy. We suggested you to not reply too soon when exes come back after no contact. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be. You might end up immediately assuming things like: Is this a new start to our relationship? "You can't compare the person who you experienced a first or early love with to someone who you've had a deep abiding love with for many years through the course of a . Maybe shed met someone else and lost interest because of him. How have you been?, dont conclude that the nasty text they sent to you while breaking up meant nothing, and that they want to get back together. When Your Ex Girlfriend Reaches Out After a Long Time of No Contact After no contact doesn't mean that your ex reaches out after 30, 35, 60, or any number of days. We dated about 8 years ago and he reached out around the 5 year mark. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? It was two years since the end of the relationship this September and I feel like I have wasted two years of my lifetime. In such cases, the steps to ensure closure need to come from within. You dont need to reply if you dont want to (things could get out of hand). Often, urges to contact an ex may come up at the end of an unhealthy relationship and not for healthy ones. Throw out an invitation to hang out in a super low-key environment. I've never really had the desire to reach back into the past, but I have to say it's been nice to remember how different I was when I was young and laugh at myself. In my opinion, love is love whether its platonic or intimate, in the end the outcome effect can be the same. If the person ghosted you leaving you in dire need of closure, you might feel tempted to respond to their message. I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. He also has a kid. My ex contacted me after 10 + years. Dont let your ex pull the strings on you just for the sake of finding closure. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. You are following it religiously cutting off all contact with your ex. Out of curiosity: if you ever reached out to an ex boyfriend/ girlfriend/ husband/ wife years later: what did you want out of it? Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. No matter how you both ended things, try not to respond to the text immediately, even if its a lazy Saturday afternoon and your only entertainment is your cat licking her own fur. When we experience a sense of danger or face threats, most of us immediately are driven to seek out our support network members. So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. Thank you for your article very insightful. 1. You never know how valuable your reach-out might be to another. They dont want to hear how youre doing through the grapevine. We welcome the Reddit community to elicit opinions on a variety of matters from our community of women ages 30 and up. When they meet up with their ex years later, they come to the same conclusion and decide to get back together. They are Feeling Lonely. If the relationship ended bad, let's say cheating involved or constant arguing while together I'd say let it lay and don't bother. It was important and felt good. That way, even if you break up with your partner and get back together with your ex, at least you gave them a heads-up. Three times in ten years sounds just like he wants some (very minimal) contact with someone who he spent five years of his life with. If this companionship usually hurts you when they ghost you again, its better not to indulge in it. If you still have feelings for your ex, that doesnt mean you should talk to your ex and get your hopes up. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. Closure, like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself. But they do that only if they still have some respect for their ex, if they see that their ex has grown significantly in their absence, or if they get hurt. Signs And Coping Tips, 15 Speed Dating Dos and Donts You Need To Know, How To Start A Conversation With A Girl: 20 Ways That Never Fail, 10 Ways To Tell Your Parents You Have A Girlfriend, Dealing With An Insecure Boyfriend? An immediate response is never a good idea. This post originally appeared at Attract The One. On a bitter note, they couldnt handle the happy, successful life you are leading. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. ETA: He's the one who dumped me. If so, remember what you said and keep your word, because going against it will only cause problems between the two of you. Theyll reveal whether your ex wants to keep you around out of convenience or if your ex has more selfless plans for you. He sent me another not long after, again I read it and deleted it. I didnt feel empowered by her reaching out, just felt sad more than anything else. My ex messaged me after a year. Closure takes effort and patience, and sometimes, the wounds wont heal with an explanation. If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. You were friends before getting involved in a relationship, and becoming a couple destroyed your friendship. What role are they going to play? Her requirements werent clear and she wanted me to make suggestions about what to do, but her first question was: I dont know if you want us to go back to before, where we are living in separate places?. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. Minor inconveniences in their way or temptations to commit infidelity can drift two lovers apart in a jiffy. Nah. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. A part of me feels like I need to give him closure and I'm not sure how? If your ex just suffers and impulsively runs back to you, your ex might not reflect long enough to discover your worth. In searching for the familiar, we may be drawn back to past times in our lives when our cares seemed so much lighter than they do now. It takes more energyemotional and physicalto make a phone call or video call than it does to send a text or "like" a social media post. When your ex reaches out after a long period of time, odds are they've changed. She said marriage is hard, so its possible she finally reflected and realized she was very mean to you after the breakup. After reading his message im not sure if I should reply. In fact, it can help minimize our own sense of anxiety. Also, a Caffeine headed individual whose day consists of bouts of contemplation about life and afterlife. My ex messaged me after a year. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. This Is What You Should Do When Your Ex Reaches Out To You Something is often wrong when an ex comes back into the picture years later. What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? What's Really Going on When People Stay in Touch With Exes I get why you feel the need to give this person closure, but please know: that's not your responsibility. When were scared, we long for the familiar, and right now, many of us are afraid or concerned in ways that we havent been before ever in our lives. The fact that you moved on and found happiness all over again on your own, draws them back to square one. Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them. But your ex cant seem to help themselves and wants to try and drag you down to their pathetic level. Very random in his message he stated that it was crazy for reaching out and that Ive always been brought up in conversion by school mates and that hes sorry if he negatively impacted me and hes always wishing the best for me and hes never forgot me. $1000 is a lot of money, so you should try to peacefully get it back. She purposely chose to ignore it. But do it because you want to re-connect from where you are now in your life, not expecting to re-connect in a way that doesn't reflect the ways in which you may have changed and grown over time. On a whim, I looked to see if he was on Facebook. In addition, we might reach out to friends who have been there before, and dealt with a life-altering event. If your ex is single and all their friends are dating, they may go through periods of loneliness where they desperately need to speak to someone. I dont care why youre reaching out now. Like a lot of reasons on this list, this might be totally unconscious.