my husband left me because he was unhappy

Last 5-6 years epic struggle to keep things on rails while kids matured to age where they could make decisions for themselves and process what was going on and why. I am struggling in finding a way to deal with his departure as my love for him yearns and hurts at the same time. There was an excuse for every red flag that had shown up through the many years with the women whos emails he left open on his desk top , always the needy type in a bad relationship sad lonely women who fell for his charms (like he is some credible marriage guidance councellor haha ! ) We have a daughter, and kids cant keep a marriage together. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. But I would rather have my wife then 10 million $. By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are beyond frustrated that their husband is moping around the house and putting his unhappiness on full display. Fact is- the reality might be harsher now. He hasnt come home in over two months. I could never disapline them. I could not allow a man to make me feel less another second! In October I caught her sending messages to a guy she met at work, a big fight happened and she wants a divorce now, its been almost two months and I still cant believe whats happening, Im 33 shes 27 we have 4 kids together youngest is only 5 months. Try and stay strong, I know how it feels. The more you attempt to this the farther you push your spouse toward what the evil wanted to begin with, loneliness, despair, and hurt. For example, its typically easier to digest the idea that you and your partner grew apart than it is to consider the possibility that he or she fell out of love with you. Photo, Ondine Corewijn/Stocksy. 8. They will never know how grateful I am. Maybe I hope she leaves him or if I cant have him I think I want his social life ruined. the first time they ever met face to face was at the airport.love at first sight in her words.the way I found out, I was on my way to work and got a text message. i do not think I could ever do this to another human being and especially one I am suppose to care about but then again I am not self-centered like she is! I cant eat, sleep or focus at work. she wants to become a UK citizen, to do that she has to marry this man. Seringes in trash can seringe wrappers in garage or in her car. Then I was wise to her pupils biegn dialated different times during the week for the next couple of weeks and could tell at those times she was not all there. My son is 9 months tomorrow and their daddy walked out on us yet again today. Except that I became his punching bag for him, for every bad day he had, every opinion or suggestions I had in discussions would trigger a denigrating response from him. CassieD Im in Pennsylvania. The only thing I can figure is tha she is very broken. I always thought our love for each other would conquer all, but I was sadly mistaken. She told them that they were staying with me, she couldnt afford them. It was a struggle. She was my everything, my whole reason for being. Hes a selfish man who was only thinking about himself and is in crisis. Thank you for your response! There is no shame in seeking professional support from a counselor or therapist if you need or want it; help is available. Sometimes people are just so selfish and they think they are going to find someone better and most of the time they dont. It has now been some time since then and many conversations regarding the relationship not being one where we operated as a couple. I just dont understand why she would lie to me after all the love weve shared all this time. No one is perfect, but Its not you. We even looked at engagement rings. I kept with it as I felt so lucky to know someone so unique and incredibly desirable. Hi man am so sorry to hear that even me am in the same situation last of last week i find my wife chat with guy sp when i ask her she was fighting and fighting but i cul her mum to talk with child but even kmw we still fighting so i dnt know what to do about this situation please guys i need advice she gave 27 years old and i have 29 year she have a kid i dnt have a kid, Hey Jason, Military will have his butt for Infidelity. .. Ill need it but Ill make it xo, I disagree with your statement about personality disorders. And, no, she doesnt want to give it to you, shes buying her way out. She brings my youngest down in nothing but a soggy wet diaper in freezing winter and my oldest has nothing but shirt shoes and pants. If its being away from me, then I have no choice but to deal with this sadness. "Describing what you need, especially when it comes to mental health, helps you get on the . Unfortunately many people become dissatisfied in marriages even when there are no problems. Do not try to get her back at this time at least. Always remember that just because the past didn't turn . My therapist told me she wanted her cake and eat it to. He is 17 months. I am so truly heartbroken. She had forgiven me on every occasion but this recent one, really hit her. Not every day is fireworks and high school passion, my love. So find a new companion to share your life with. 10 year rule as a military spouse. She didnt deserve any of this.. I said no to moving out because a) I sole own the house and sole was paying the mortgage and B) I thought her behaviour was erratic and odd for the months leading up to her moving out plus I was getting fed up of rolling over to her whims. Being married to someone who puts in a lot of time at work isn't always negative. My husband of 25 years is leaving me. Hi Kelly, how are you doing these days? People snap. But I will not allow someone to make an inaccurate statement about people with personal disorders. We have two children whom are now adults, with the youngest being 18. Oh gosh Im sorry for your pain. And who are the casualties in all this? Keep me posted on how things are going for you. I have being with him 5 years and we broke up once cause he didnt want kids. She packed all of her things and moved in with her mother after I found out. They leave behind their friends, the jobs that they love, and the happy memories from years gone by. He is divorced and has 2 young girls. You are young and will have a bright future I caught her having phone sex with a boyfriend from 40 years ago. Why hasnt society caught up with that? I had no clue what was going on behind my back. And thats not bad advice either, but self-help books are incredibly helpful for getting over your pain. Any certain? A week after he left my dad passed away. It was a change. 'My husband left me after going into a depression. He just kept saying When he returned he agreed to go to marriage counseling. She lives about an hour and a half away. In this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel. He told me that mom was sucking on a can while they were on their way to pick up his friend for soccer practice and she was having a problem driving and stoped abruptly in subdivision well she was what learned later what is called huffing a can/ bottle of butane. The gym for me kept me from drinking. You can meet new people, try new things, and pursue your dreams . she took the kids and moved in with her parents and ignored me for a week. My bf of 4 years we lived together pretty much the whole time with my now 6 yr old son 2 when he met him. Marriage values need to be seriously overhauled in this country or lets just start raising our kids to be cheaters and narcissists because thats what everybodys becoming anyway. Every day I feel like Im about to die inside. How to cope: As hard as it is, try not to take this personally. Most of these illnesses stem from abandonment rejection abuse maybe we should go back to asylums. I believe every situation has a grieving process and mine was about a month ..I smoked heavily and released my anger in the gym till my pain went away. He obviously had no intentions of returning. i had love in college. So because he wanted to embark on a full sexual relationship with his affair partner, he left the very next day and moved to a different city. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better? Any of these reasons could be applied to either partner in a relationship. I never had a clue and so I could not understand her response. And I continued living this new lie was a real Jekyll and Hyde until I met my wife who had / has a heart of kindness I had never experienced before. I have read this article and Im still trying to get my head around my wife wanting to leave me (married 1 year 11 months, together 7 years) for a guy she has only known for a few weeks and I cant understand why she would want this. Its rough but in the long run we will be better off. . I am still learning the scope of the damage that was done to me. The night we separated he told me he loved me but, Not in that way anymore. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. I do recall a few conversations over a ten-year period of him claiming that he needed more from me, more connection or communication. As far as how your feeling, its the worst. My x married her affair partner within the allowed 60 days of our divorce finalized. And although I honestly did not ever intend to hurt her, I can see where she would be hurt. These tips may help you let go of the past, including someone who hurt you. It is the most painful thing ive ever experienced. If you feel stuck in your grief, or if holding onto hope a spouse will return is preventing you from moving forward, speaking with a mental health professional may help. Wife of 22 years left 2 weeks ago because she decided she was gay and had reciprocal feelings towards our best female friend. Whens it supposed to get better? No marriage is perfect.you take the good with bad.and we had alot of good. 10 reasons, How to make your ex fall in love with you again using psychology, 10 warning signs you and your ex wont get back together, Work on your self-mastery and the things that make you happy, Get out of the house and do something with friends or family. I still find myself wanting her back, I miss her. Everything that was me was up in that condo in the almost 20 year relationship we fought hard to create. Samantha is 30 years old, looks 3 years younger. She tells me she could make it work with him, just to be back in her girls lives and back in her siblings lives in some way. I dont owe you anything. I also found out she was picking up meds for patients . My husband left me four and a half months ago. Instead of focusing on yourself, try to understand what is behind his decision. So I came clean and told my husband that I was unhappy because of these feelings that I couldn't overcome and I felt like staying in the marriage would be denying him the opportunity to find someone who is 100% devoted to him. He has gone to his friends to see if we can make it work. So much so that mutual friends who would come to visit, theyd ask me not to tell my wife they were in town. Do you really want to be married to a women thats flashing her goods to the world wide web???? Read what happens when a) they loose their job. Im fairly sure he had affairs, he cheated a lot before when we were together, lied so much, did drugs and lost his job while I was pregnant. What felt worse is that he left after he found out that I was pregnant with his second child. The next day she betrayed me again and left to this other mans bed. What a way to throw a wrench in! Over the past year he has been leaving me in the dark about a lot of stuff. Its time to accept that forgiveness and love dont have corners or boundaries. Get pleasable. ..u have given me strength. That I am dead to him. Thanks. Very sad and bewildering for those of us in long term relationships. When she does she simply says she doesnt want to be married anymore. New Years 2015 she told me it was well and truly over after As she was not happy. When we met it was love from the off. me & my bf were 2gether 8 years & i found a conversation on his tablet telling a girl he loves her & all this stuff.. i was willing 2 work it out but he told me he hasnt been happy 4 the past year & hes not in love with me anymore & hes bored.. i was devastated, a total wreck.. he moved 2 PA with his family while he waits 4 the girl 2 move there in April.. we still text as friends but it gets really hard as I cant talk about his new gf.. i am far from over it but i do want 2 be his friend, possibly more if we can work it out.. after he left i started taking care of myself & all that pampering stuff.. well, i came 2 the conclusion that i dont want his a** back.. she can keep him, i hope they will be very happy.. im done.. he left him crying & pleading, left me.. i was faithful 8 years, i adored him, worshipped the ground he walked on.. i work, i just got a truck, im sweet as candy & i deserve better.. we keep texting as friends & sometimes we still flirt a bit but its not like that.. he played Me, the best thing that ever happened 2 him & im slowly getting over it.. i know im great & i deserve greatness so whatever dude.. ur loss.. You may still love him but being gay is not a choice. Sometimes the warning signs of an unhappy partner are there, but you may not clearly see them. Hi, another in the same boat, was with my partner for 8 years, we had had a rough year as his hours were dropped to 3 days, then he got suspended, then sacked , secured him a job at where i work, his mum extremely ill and died recently, stuck with him through all this and then 2 months ago he literally stood up and said he didnt know what he wanted and went, phone contact for a while now zilch, nothing, have asked in a text as he not speaking ( so didnt want to mither) if were done yes or no ? Rather than an excess of painful emotion, it was the lack of pain, the lack of feeling, that was the . My husband was self-centered and his way or the highway, very critical and emotionally abusive, cold, cold, cold but we were always able to make up and have hung I n there 26years. 5 years ago I started to discover and figure out that my wife was a substance abuser,drug addict with prescription meds, narssasis, pathological liar. OConnor P, et al. Hurt beyond comprehension that this has been all calculated and the number of lies that had been told to me for I cant even imagine how long. He is not the problem; I am. I in turn joined a gym and got into shape and worked on the house Because i was not dressed for it and i am not comfortable with my body. I cry everyday and have been in bed with no desire to do anything. it was so bad I lost 50 pounds in 8 weeks.I couldnt work,lost all interest and no motivation I couldnt function .the grief and depression was so overwhelming I had to be hospitalized.Im currently getting therapy, and counseling for my grief and depression.but it still does not answer the question, why? Dear Tim Thats not a man.. We started dating at 17 and married at 25. She has been seeing someone for depression, but therapist seemed geared more towards providing affirmation to affluent clients than identifying and treating the more important clinical issues. But now it's been only two weeks since he left and . After all of this I still loved her and wanted things to work. This may help resolve the issue. Your partner met someone else. He did, yet he got everything he wanted. I'm not more overwhelmed by my life than I was when I was still in my marriage. I got back with him. Hi Susan, I feel for you. Of your. Im now 35. I dont think he is as he has a very close relationship with his family. Plus I have all these young children to look after :( my heart breaks. My husband filed a bogus Restraining Order and threw me out if my home. stop letting him treat you like a paper plate and let someone treat you like fine china. Its been a year and i havent moved on and i try so hard.ive had therapy. However we were married 7 years together for 16, and 3 kids My husband found someone 11 years younger and left me 8 weeks after meeting her!! I dont know if I should trust him. I never was, I dont get it. Thanks So we moved and then I noticed she one week she ceas carry we cell with her at all times, this was not like her she even slept with it . So its interesting that he would say that wasnt good enough for me, that I wasnt there for him all he wanted was for someone to love him and listen to him. Since he can just drop us like taking out the garbage. Sociopaths goal is take a human being and destroy them down to the bottom of their soul. After all I did to keep our little family together he walked out on us. I need me time. You know in your heart this is totally unacceptable behavior. Anyway, I told him to just ask his mom to.borrow 20 dollars we just had to make it to that Thursday that waa payday, but he got so mad at me and moved the tv and some of his other things out immediately and told me he was leaving me because he was worth more than I gave him credit for. I have never felt so betrayed in my life and never would of thought I would become a statistic. My name is Jon,and a few weeks ago when my wife and i were celebrating our birthdays in Chicago,she told me that she was leaving me and moving to California to live with some guy she met on the internet.My wife sufers from Fibromyalgia,depression. She strings me along soo damn well She KNOWS I would give ANYTHING for my wife back, my absolute best friend in the entire world, my everything. He has three kids I have two. I was left in April, with two teenagers for a man who claims he wasnt happy for 10 years. . Well the doctor she was working with was giving her Vicodin, and soma, she also was getting zanax and other pills from doctor. After thirty years it was very abruptly gone: torch extinguished. It ended as I couldnt cope with casual and then I had to tell husband because I was so ill. Three months on, I am still totally in love with him. Dear Abby: My boyfriend's father is making me miserable Their best advice was for me to just get pregnant., My husband left me after going into a depression. To the outside world, Emme lived a charmed life. I have cried for months. I am going through another divorce with my business partner, she will be leaving my office October . Just do your best to keep it together for your kids, and realize that there will be a rainbow at the end of the dark cloud. I will admit that i have said some hurtfull things to her a long time ago.And she so has she.We have a son and when he was 2 she left me for a couple of weeks,then we got back together.then 15 years later i read some of her private messages on Facebook that she was talking to some guy. My grandmother raised 3 girls on her own as a widower at just 42. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important. Remember you have to guard your heart and say off the spiders web or else youll be a victim again. Six months that I have been paying for my choice through reduced access to my most amazing children ever. In march my fiancee left after a 4 year relationship after an argument. He isnt coming back and I have accepted that as he has now told me so many times now and he just a new life without me in it. But the reality is, I dont want to move to the next phase of what do I do if he doesnt. But I have no choice but to pick up my own pieces and move on because he left me with no choice. Hes in his mid 40s and literally has nothing, his mommy and daddy are still paying his way and completly enabling him to behave this way. For me, this is still a very difficult situation to get through. it was no joke. Most days everything fine till either side of the visit. Everything I am not!! I rent a room now after owningy castle. My wife was on chat rooms after 24 years and told me she is very unhappy I am doing my best to just not communicate with him. Hes cut that off and I am bereft no kiss, no cuddle, no sweet goodbye when he sees me off to work. It is a commitment, a promise, a vow to love that other person irrespective of how you feel. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. Thanks i also have a lot of trouble because i want him back and love him very much. U keep trying to figure out what happened but he just wont work together andsats he doesnt want me anymore but doesnt say why. My case is not the only abuse of this restraining order trick. (2018). WHY??? I dont get it for you either. If those people were true friends they would tell them that what they are doing or have done is wrong . After 27 years of marriage, four kids, two grands, my husband packed up. You can NOT continue to live this way, and I am so sorry you have been going through this. I just cant believe how active this board appears with people who are going through this. That discovery changed my fragile mind even more it made my psychically ill and my immediate thought was that I had caused so much angst with this lovely woman that she changed her values and that that PAIN is what really kills me. He is more interested in our character, than our comfort. she just kept it in and kept it a secret.he was sending her money, and they were making plans for a long time her to leave and moved to England.now theyre engaged to be married and are making wedding plans.and also looking into a goth wedding, with a blood red dress and even have a guest invitation list.all this and she is still married to me.the divorce is pending, because of abandonment and being international,it could take years to finalize.I am at a loss for answers, I have no closer.I guess I will never get closer.this is clearly the worst thing that is ever happened to me. Im sorry for your pain right now. She later asked me to move out the house to give her space as she could move in and she kept saying I was impossible to live with (yet managed for 5 years previously). Well then I would follow up at the dirt cheap stores where she was getting this butane from and I was able to get identification that she was still purchasing this stuff. We sold our home we owned together, yet I paid the mortgage as we were looking for a change. We did everything together, camping, hunting, fishing, holidays, and Netflix marathons of snuggling on the couch. The mediator couldnt understand why we were getting divorced. Even though I dont know you, I want you to know that I am praying for you. The last thing you want to do is spend it with a happily married couple or try to entertain your child while you meet your child-free friend for coffee and a chat. (more time is spent telling your child to sit down/stop that/behave). Part of me thinks shes simply selfish and refuses to work out our problems. He left his phone in the locker and i walked around for another hour looking for them. Let him know you are very serious and you have reached your breaking point. This is unacceptable behavior from your husband. Cherish what you had, and work on closing that chapter as you prepare for the next. There are not only 5 reasons a relationship ends is all Im pointing out. And they spoke to their daughter over phone. As woman we must always trust our gut, I wish I had so many times. The sadness consumed me like an angry fire I couldnt put out. "No!". She is married too and both of us have two small children. 2. Every time you allow someone to get over on you or away with something that hurts you, this takes a piece of you away. I have faith in you, I am here supporting your happiness and believe you will find the strength to do exactly what you need to. It can be rough to feel as if you are on your own. Hi Katelyn. I am ashamed to have to say it but I can only accept what is and continue to try to be the best father I can for them each and every weekend when I get them. He told me not to cry, he couldnt handle it. Didnt know our kids friends girlfriends or boyfriends. He had over the years became grumpy and this only got worse. Take a step back look in the mirror .If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie. When he did come home, often after 9 months abroad, he would turn his back on me in bed . Just pity those who fall for his charm in believing in him its only a matter of time before they will find how false he is . I was in the same situation. I couldnt believe she would do this to our family. Remember : you dont want to be with someone that doesnt want to be faithful and loyal to you. To obtain a list of therapists or counselors in your area, please enter your ZIP code here: Please know you are not alone. I can easily get full custody of my kids since she has legal and immigration issues but I dont want to separate my kids from her. I found out last Friday (after him denying it over and over) that he is having an affair. I am so sorry this happened to you. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. He said it shouldnt be more than 2 hours. Im sure you guys had a blast but it took you 2 weeks to completely erase and destroy the beautiful thing we had. We had a good but quiet weekend. I feel broken, rejected, and unloved. I have to have faith. If it comes to the point of separation, at least the pain will be temporary. I know how you feel Matt, im so sorry for you. My husband made cupcakes for my daughter and every home game for two seasons for four years of high school. Im starting to think he has someone else but he says not I cant believe he would do this to me so am I just being paranoid because I cant accept that he just doesnt love me anymore or is it a possibility because it seems like he has somewhere else to go Im so confused, I dont know where to turn. I tried under the circumstances but we need temporary help moving forward.. And more, Only 5? It puzzles me why I cannot close the chapter on this one. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. I noticed subtle differences in her towards me, emotionally. I realized I needed help, again, and I have since been doing that. I have had 15 yrs of therapy along with institutional treatment, CBT, outpatient care thousands of AA Meetings and lots of retreats. Here's what the research says on why it happens and how to cope. I am in shock. Here's expert intel on why you mightve been ghosted plus what to do about it. . Whit from Maine, Hi Im 35 my husband is 42. Ive let go, Ive got my life back and cant wait to hear you and others on this site can feel the same way . Then last weekend everything changed We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, I have been married for 6 1/2 years and now i want to leave my husband. I thought the point of counseling was to speak your mind. The message is so strong and clear when there is infidelity, unlike opaque reasons such as boredom or lack of compatibility. maybe all you can do is find the best in good people and treat yourself and them with respect. I did everything I could with her and for her and for us with the hope, the dream that we would be together the rest of our lives. Our two children were grown up and no longer living at home having started their own lives which made me feel even less needed or important in my wife life. he used me. "I felt as if the person I knew had died. I have seen these kinds of marriages turn around, but I have also seen many where the damage of trust is too great to overcome. I totally agree, people shouldnt feel like they can just leave if the spark is not there anymore. And the person I subsequently dealt with was someone else." Telling her son and . Seems life will continue and I appreciate the hope you have instilled through sharing the stories you have all provided. We are happy to provide resources, but please know that our site is not meant to be a substitute for professional mental health or relationship help. I would suggest conseling to him. Perhaps your husband has a personality disorder. But over the course of 13 years it would wear on her to the point that a few months back she finally broke down and told me how much it would hurt her. This is my second marriage and the pain is horrific..